There is HOPE. Living with BiPolar

As I walked outside today the rain was falling down melting the snow I felt a glimpse of hope.  Hope is rare some days.  When the mortgage payments are lagging and the snow is holding you captive in your home it can be refreshing to watch it melt.  I met my husband in 1993.  I walked into an Art Gallery and there were his paintings drawing me in like a waterfall draws ones eyes without escape.  I had to paint like him.  I asked the woman behind the desk to please ask if I could take lessons.  As I held my breath, she said he does do lessons and would let me know.  I was elated!
As he walked into my first lesson his tall handsome presence took my breath away!  I was so nervous how could  I focus on painting a picture?   Well I did very well, after he left the room to attend his store. : ) I was very young and shy.  He had no idea how I felt, and I couldn't explain how I couldn't breath when he was around me. After 4 paintings we went our seperate ways but the magnetic pull between us never faded.  About 4 years later he moved close to where I lived and the more time I spent with him the more  I felt I couldn't ever live without him.  I did though.   It wasn't until 2004 that we started dating finally!  We were married in 2005 and immediately he continued to have numerous surgeries on his arms.  It was so hard for him to deal with the constant pain.   Well the alternative is pain pills.  Which of course the doctors would give him without question.
My husband is Bipolar.  If you have ever met a Bipolar you know they can have addiction issues.  Everything they do in life, they do with a passion.  I guess taking pills might make him feel a high that makes him feel happy or normal.  Not without paying the price.  We went through the first 4 years of our lives doing our best while dealing with an addictions to oxycontin, oxycodone, methadone, alcohol and xanax to name a few.  I can't tell you how many times the bottle got washed, stolen, ran over, and lost.  They never did.  The emotional part of it was hard on everyone.  Including my teenage son.  I have gained 50 pounds since this all began.
It may have had something to do with my best friend killing herself in 2006.  Or watching my mother suffer horrifically with lung cancer for 2 years until she passed just recently in August 2009.  Or my career as a mortgage broker going haywire from this economy. Or the numerous trips we have made to the ER as we would watch my husband fighting for his life from an overdose and/or suicide attempts.  He not only has Bipolar, Depression, ADHD but he is also a Chronic Pain sufferer.  He has Ulna nerve damage on both arms.  Which is devastating to an artist. This is my blog to tell you all there is HOPE.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  My husband has been off pain medication for 2 years now.  The side effects are less, but still there from years of abuse to pills.  He is supposed to take medication to stabilize his moods and help his nerve damage.  Which we have and I will talk about later.  This was a good Intro to help you understand what I'm writing about.  Tried to make a very long story short.   Talk to you soon!