The high extreme moments then the withdrawals from running out of pills. The sickness, vomiting, diarrhea, and the mood swings. The constant throbbing in my arms never to gain any relief except taking more and more pills. I couldn't take it anymore. I woke up and I couldn’t figure out where I was at. I had no clue. Was I dead? Why do I hurt so bad? I must be alive! I kept going back and forth between sleep and wake feeling an uncomfortable feeling in my lower regions as I had a catheter put in me. As I looked around I saw my wife and her mother on the floor next to me. How did I live after taking all those pills? I was embarrassed. I should have felt relieved but I didn't. I couldn't believe I was still alive!
This happened in May 10 2007 I was having such a hard time with an addition and chronic pain problems. The doctors had me on oxy, lortab everything you name it. They tried depression medication which didn’t help. All I knew was I was in pain mentally and physically. There was no reason to live my hope was gone. I knew the demons had overcame my senses. I lost myself entirely! I lost my ability to feel love, hope, happiness and all I knew was fear. My bipolar had worsened and the addictions had increased. I was left with me the shallow shell that I was at the time. This was not the first time I had experienced this moment. I’d rather not explain to you each time as they all are so similar except for the one I mentioned before in a previous post that changed my life and my faith forever.
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