Daily trials of living with Bipolar Disorder

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12).
I open this blog with this quote because I am absolutely sure there are those who stand back with ignorance and judge harshly.  They would never understand unless they themselves had to live with this disorder.


Recently, we had my husbands lithium checked.  We were told his body was not producing any lithium at all and his protein levels were red flagged as to low. After hearing this,  I did some research on what is lithium and why is it important.
Now, I have more questions than answers.  They said Lithium was discovered because miners in salt mines had less depression.
Lithium carbonate is a salt that was first approved in the United States in 1970 to treat bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depression). 
They are still clueless as to why this would work.  As am I.  


We've had some serious issues lately (since dec 2011 to now).  One stroke!  One 911 call.  One violent temper episode.  Sometimes it feels the battle is all uphill with no relief at all.  Then you find those weeks or months of quiet peace again.  


Good News!  Juicing seems to help tremendously! Brain Fog is lifting.  Pitting Edema is getting better.   Energy level is better.  Mood swings more under control.  Grudge holding at a minimum.  Using Kava kava root with our juicing.  Also, I think the ginseng root is helping.


Going to meditate by the ocean in a week. I'm sure that will help.  So right now things are doing very well!

It's official: Booze makes people happier

It's official: Booze makes people happier

Top 10 Alleged Autistics in History

Top 10 Alleged Autistics in History

My Husbands New Children's Book!

Snippy the Squ...

A Children's Book ...

By Written and Illust...

Book Preview

There is a happy ending!! Really!

After years of pure torture dealing with chronic pain and massive bipolar attacks there really is a light at the end of the tunnel!


It's true!  We lost our house and it was the best thing that ever happened to us!  My job as a Mortgage Broker is a thing of the past. Thank GOD!  I found a new job working out of my home with Book Publishers. We found a rental that needed fixing in the country and we have been here for almost 5 months and having the peaceful country as a constant in our lives has given so much happiness and serenity for us.  We are in a single wide trailer, but on a dead on road with acres of Beauty surrounding us.  I thank god everyday for this blessing.  It is small and we still have to figure out where to put all our junk. Wondering what do we sell and keep, but it also makes me realize how unimportant THINGS are I don't miss all my stuff.  Well most of it anyway.  My four poster bed doesn't even fit in my bedroom lol..
  It's how you live in each moment that counts.  The quality of life you live.  The thoughts you carry in your mind that make a difference.  We have not had one suicide attempt, nor have we had many fights.  It has been so peaceful here.  So there's my answer.  Where do YOU live?  Is that maybe affecting your moods?  Just a thought. We still have massive pain, doctor appointments, bipolar attacks and all the other problems but now they seem so minor compared to before.  David is even starting to get his children's books done.  He's going to pull out his paintbrush and paint a beautiful masterpiece.  When we get the floor done in the living room.  haha   Priorities y'know!  There's my thought of the day.  And I added a book that goes with what I'm saying.  I've read it and Wayne Dyer is absolutely indisputable and very inspirational!

Community donates busful of backpacks, school supplies - Standard-Examiner

Community donates busful of backpacks, school supplies - Standard-Examiner

U of U pain expert says Brigham City doctor got in a 'rut' - Standard-Examiner

U of U pain expert says Brigham City doctor got in a 'rut' - Standard-Examiner

Is there a better solution to Bipolar side effects?

I found more information regarding the topic of methods to self medicate with BP. 

(I tried self-medicating (with my fav drug of choice- pot, amongst others), and it always ended up out of control, because it did nothing to control my disorder. I was just kidding myself.)

I am a bit concerned.  I've seen others who get mean when smoking to much.  From what I know with any drug and Bipolar the mix is lethal.  It's as if there's no turn off switch.  Enough is NEVER enough!

Meditation, Tai Chi, Yoga, Truehope vitamins, Eating right, exercise are all good choices.  I don't know how effective they are since mood swings can be so unpredictable.  How would someone who suffers with unpredictable mood swings stay on task anyway?  When the depression hits it would be rare if someone would jump up and do their tai chi. Maybe the depression can be held away for a while doing the right things though.

Then there's the doctors choice of Lithium, Depakote, Effexor, and the list goes ON!  The argument is what is worse?  Suicide, violence or horrible side effects?  Some well a lot of people do very well with the medications and don't want to live with out them.  Other's miss their high's.  And take the lows that come with the highs.  Maybe it depends on the severity of your shifting moods.  If suicide or violence is a common symptom, and medication helps, then that sounds like the best option.  Everyone is different.  I found my husband does much better when he is off any medications.  He's a freaking zombie on them.  Maybe we never found the right combination?

 Then you wonder would life be more normal?  Less isolation?  Less of everything which isn't normal in MY normal world?  Who's to say what is right and what is wrong?  If Einstein had to take medication would we have the awesome inventions we would have?  Would David's Artwork exist?  All of this is very confusing.  I know a lot of people lose their creativity and therefore do not create although some argue it helps them focus and therefore do very well.  Maybe it's the amount given to a person that needs to be watched better.  Our personal experience has been TO MUCH medication!  The zombie in him emerges!  In the beginning before we knew what the diagnosis was they were giving a crazy combination of different depression pills and he would sit for weeks drooling not even there!  Yeah that works!  The doctors would say well just give him less.  Still zombie.  Well try this.  Still zombie.  Try this, Okay you get the picture.  Months go by.  This is NOT working!  What a nightmare!

Suffice to say, I know this for a fact! 
Bipolar and narcotics are a lethal combination! 
Depression medication (not bipolar medication) does NOT work for Bipolar. 
And if they are feeling angry, give them their space. 
If they need to be alone, leave them alone.
If they are self medicating (alcohol or whatever) watch them VERY carefully!
Give praise, understanding and love.
Be supportive.

Our name for Bipolar is now Gifted.  We hate the word Bipolar.  I do not label my husband like that.  I think he is a gifted amazing human being!  So smart and talented and I'm very proud of him.

Books I've read on the subject suggest our brain is lacking complex B vitamins along with several other vitamins and minerals that we need to function normally and if we take the right vitamins and eat the right things are brains are nourished enough to function without any prescription drugs.   Is this really possible?  If we look in the past years back no one knew there was such a thing as Bipolar.  People like Picasso and Divinci were great artists and very strange to the rest of the world.  YES!  But weren't they Brilliant???  Amazing?  Gifted?  I'd argue they had an advantage over the rest of us!  Look at Einstein.  Are we going to label him as weird?
See www.truehope.com
Here's a book called The Natural Medicine Guide to Bipolar Disorder


I hate labeling someone with a disease.  Now they are "depressed"  or "Bipolar"  That is not who they are.   The person your referring to is just like you or me.  They may think differently.  Act differently.  Live their lives a different way.  Their habits are different.  What can we expect? They are brilliant in their own way. Gifted.  Racing thoughts, rage, hyper activity, violent, moody, impossible to be around until the flip side which is happy, hyper, wonderful, loving, fun OH LORD!  This is all so confusing. 
In my house, I dodge the bullet.  I live in the house and he stays in the garage.  Yep!  He's happier that way.  I don't like it.  But, what is the alternative.  I am not him.  I can not understand why he does what he does.  I can't understand why he wants to be alone all the time.  My job is to be a patient loving wife and wait until he needs me and be there.  Very difficult!
http://www.psychforums.com/bipolar/  Here is a link to a forum with many views and opinions that may help.
I was reading through some of the comments and have learned quite a bit.   Everyone has their own set of issues they struggle with!  All different people with different opinions.  It's had to pinpoint what works for some and not for others! 

I strongly believe art is a great method of healing.  A good outlet!

It works for many people!

ksl.com - Study examines prescription drug abuse in Utah

ksl.com - Study examines prescription drug abuse in Utah

This article is about the abuse of prescription drugs and deaths associated with it.

Marijuana helpful for Bipolar and Pain Relief ?

I just finished watching a show on Hulu.com called The true tale of American Marijuana.  This story was the fight to legalize marijuana for chronic pain sufferers.  I still have a lot of questions and a lot of previous experience with the treatment given to my husband by the pain clinics.  I will quickly share with you some of my experiences.  I believe each person has their own story and is affected differently by  narcotics, pain and depression.  My husband is a chronic pain sufferer.  He is also bipolar.  The combination as we have learned almost makes it impossible to treat either or.  He is also quite an amazing artist!  www.artbydavidpaul.com
Several years ago 2002 I believe he started having severe pain in his wrists.  One surgery then another till 11 surgeries had been performed led to unbelievable problems.  Massive nerve damage.  Dave was desperate to find a way to get rid of the pain.  The Doctors did what they believed they could do to help him.  One doctor severed a nerve and he got staph infection.  Long story made very short, this is what led to David being introduced to a pain clinic.  At first he was given a mild narcotic which seemed to work.  Later the Doctor increased his medications.  Before to long he was prescribed Oxycontin,  methadone, and trazadone along with many other cocktails.   

From About.com Substance Abuse

It is generally believed that 30% to 60% of those with bipolar disorder (manic depression) also struggle with alcoholism or substance abuse perhaps in an attempt to self-medicate.

I found this in about 2 seconds.  Really are doctors not educated enough to know about this?  Okay so is it advisable to give a bipolar sufferer addictive medications as strong as these were?  What were these idiot doctors thinking?  Results with David were awful!  Attempted suicides,  many overdoses,  always taking to many pills and having withdrawals before his script was to be refilled. Month after month.  No matter how painful, it kept happening.  Let's clap for David 3 years now he has been off that lethal drug cocktail!!!!  So what is one to do?  Is a natural alternative like marijuana use a better option?

I found this amazing website with many voices regarding this topic. 

http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=28964&cn=4

Reading through this I can see how some people feel their racing thoughts are being more controlled.  There is some talk about how numb they are to life and need to be aware it is the marijuana that is making them feel this way.  Addiction is an issue of course.  The question remains what would the quality of his life be if he decided to take this route?  Would it control his pain?  Would it help his creativity?  Would it cause a major addiction problems?  Would it make his life better because the pain and mood swings were more manageable?  Would this hurt his lungs?  What exactly are the pros and cons for David with this alternative therapy.  I can tell you this.  I know he will NEVER go back on narcotics!  Unless he has a death wish.  I live in Utah and don't believe medical marijuana is legalized here for medical use anyway.  In fact Ogden Utah made it illegal to smoke spice just recently.  That stuff scares me.

http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=000881
So there's my answer the link above question on which states have changed their law on medical marijuana.

I heard on the video from Hulu  Utah Mormons were the first to outlaw the drug.  First to say No to Pot and to Spice.  Hmmmm didn't know that.  Then all the states followed suit.   I think if it helps and you are in severe pain or terminal go for it.  We are all here on borrowed time and why not make it the best we can.  Personally I've read mostly good things in regards to treatment of bipolar vs. marijuana and pain so if he wants to give it a try and of course move to Oregon and get a medical prescription for it and it works that is a great thing.   One more reason to move to Oregon!  Ha ha  that's where we want to live anyway.  The alternative is much worse.  The side effects of the depression medications and pain medications.  Oh and to answer any questions on the ECigarettes.  They have been great!  A lot less smoking!  I totally recommend them!
I would love some feedback on this!  Have a great day!